Don't Speak
by moonswirl
Summary: Gleekathon, day three hundred and ninety:  don't 3/4  Quinn did it to help Rachel... Now though she has to live with the thoughts it's reawakened...


_Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 18th cycle. Now cycle 19!_

_**Don't Stop Believin' (twice!), Don't Stand So Close To Me, Don't Make Me Over, Don't Rain on My Parade, Don't Go Breaking My Heart...** - Was noticing how many songs they've done on the show that start with 'Don't' and thus this little set was born ;) A few more entries to the pantheon of "Don't" songs :D_

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**"Don't Speak"  
Quinn, Finn/Quinn **

It had seemed reasonable at the time, doing what Rachel had asked her to… Now though, from the moment she'd gone up to Finn at his locker, she just knew it would be a bad idea… But it was too late to back away. She'd keep her word, no matter what, though she knew she wouldn't be able to hold up the act for much longer than the time it took. By the time she'd walked away from him, her face had begun to fall. She told Rachel what she'd learned, and then she walked away.

The seconds of silence piled over her and with them came a… discomfort… She touched her face and almost expected to find tears. Thankfully she hadn't yet lowered herself to that level. She felt a chill though, and she brought her arms around herself.

Being back in her Cheerios uniform now, it was easier to get sucked into remembering how things once were, with her and Finn… No matter how things were now, she couldn't forget how they used to be… He had been her first boyfriend, first guy that counted, and that made him special all on his own. It would have made him stand out for that reason alone, except there was more to it.

The baby had changed everything. The fear had made her fragile, something she couldn't stand. And she'd put that responsibility… that lie… on to Finn, because no matter what she knew he'd keep her safe in all this madness. Maybe it made her look selfish, but it was far from that. It was fear… it was always fear, so much of it…

Deep down she knew it might have put a death sentence on their relationship, but there'd been so much dumped on her all at once that she couldn't see that far ahead. The inevitable had come up in the end, but that time when they were happy… It still meant so much to her, more than he'd ever know.

But now hearing him lay it out like that… It was like he'd finally given her the killing blow, the slap she'd deserved for her betrayal… It hurt… maybe it was supposed to… Walking down that hall, it wasn't Britney Spears in her mind, not by far… The assignment was so out of her consciousness, unimportant… her mind sang of nothing but regret.

_[Q] "You and me / We used to be together / Every day together, always_

_I really feel that I'm losing my best friend / I can't believe this could be the end_

_It looks as though you're letting go / And if it's real, well I don't want to know"_

She remembered how it was, in those months where they first dated… before the pregnancy, before Glee Club… He was sweet to her, and in all his dorky self he made her laugh… so much. More than that, he'd surprised her; he wasn't how she'd expected, and that made him part of her heart, so unlike what she thought that she got to feel… maybe she loved him. As boyfriends went, he was a tough act to follow. Sure, sometimes he wasn't too bright and she got frustrated… But then where it counted he became so much more… Sir Finn the Valiant… He had his heart in the right place, no denying that…

_[Q] "Don't speak / I know just what you're saying / So please stop explaining / Don't tell me 'cause it hurts / Don't speak / I know what you're thinking / I don't need your reasons / Don't tell me 'cause it hurts"_

That good heart, she'd taken advantage of it… in one of the worst possible ways… So maybe it was right that she should lose him… She'd watched that heart break right before her eyes, after he'd found out and come to confront them… It broke hers, too, seeing it happen…

_[Q] "Our memories they can be inviting / But some are altogether mighty frightening_

_As we die, both you and I / With my head in my hands I sit and cry_

_Don't speak / I know just what you're saying / So please stop explaining / Don't tell me 'cause it hurts / No no no / Don't speak / I know what you're thinking / And I don't need your reasons / Don't tell me 'cause it hurts"_

After that, they'd both needed a while, a good long while to pick up the pieces and fit them back into place. Even then, the cracks didn't go away just because they'd been put together all puzzle-like… That made it eternally fragile to more breaks.

_[Q] "It's all ending / Gotta stop pretending who we are_

_You and me / I can see us dying, are we?_

_Don't speak / I know just what you're saying / So please stop explaining / Don't tell me 'cause it hurts / No no / Don't speak / I know what you're thinking / And I don't need your reasons / Don't tell me 'cause it hurts"_

She did miss talking to him… A lot of times she'd feel that instinct to share something with him, but then she'd remember she couldn't do that anymore, and it saddened her, every damn time. She could only hope that someday they'd find some small ground to stand on together, even just as awkward friends… more like acquaintances…

_[Q] "Don't tell me 'cause it hurts / I know what you're saying / So please stop explaining / Don't speak, don't speak, don't speak, oh / I know what you're thinking / And I don't need your reasons_

_I know you good, I know you good / I know you real good, oh_

_Lalalala, lalalala / Don't! Don't!_

_Oh, oh / Hush, hush, darling - hush, hush, darling / Hush, hush - don't tell me 'cause it hurts / Hush, hush, darling - hush, hush, darling / Hush, hush - don't tell me 'cause it hurts"_

For now all she had was herself, holding her fragmented heart with both hands, shaking.

THE END

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**_[A/N: This is a one-shot ficlet, story alert won't get you anything! ;)]_**


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